by Sister Diane Burgoon, Stake Self-Reliance Specialist (330-430-9912, diane.burgoon@yahoo.com)
Communication is key to our success. You need to know how to hear others as well as be heard. We can talk and talk, but without doing so in an effective manner, we might not be heard. Listening can be more important than talking. In our daily home, work, and social life, we want to be team members and leaders. When we can hear what others say and show them that we care, we are being effective listeners. Communication is Number 8 in the Twelve Principles of Self-Reliance. They recommend doing these six things to become an excellent communicator:
1. Concentrate – Focus on the speaker’s words and body language. Don’t interrupt. Don’t make any judgments or plan how you are going to respond. Instead, be patient and listen.
2. Appreciate – Use reassuring responses like okay and yes while the person is speaking so that they know you are listening and it is safe for them to keep talking. If the speaker seems shy or nervous, let them pause and gather their thoughts. When the person is done speaking, thank them for sharing their comments with you.
3. Review – Summarize the speaker’s comments and then ask something like, “Am I understanding that correctly?” Give the speaker an opportunity to correct you or to rephrase their comments.
4. Ask questions – Give the speaker an opportunity to express their emotions. You can ask questions like “How does that make you feel?” or “What do you think about that?”
These first four steps are all about listening and creating a sense of trust. There is no blaming, no judging—just trying to understand what the other person is expressing. From here, you can start to express your own thoughts.
1. Apologize or sympathize – If there are any hard feelings between you and the speaker, it’s time to apologize. An honest apology goes a long way. If an apology doesn’t seem appropriate in this situation, you could say something like, “I’m sorry that happened” or “I’m sorry you are in this situation.”
2. If it seems appropriate, offer help – You do not have to fix the problem. You are there to love and to support the other person, make suggestions, and guide the person toward resources. Sometimes listening makes all the difference. Other times the person might need practical help. If the issue is between the speaker and another person, don’t get in the middle. You could simply say something like, “I think you need to talk to the person you are having a problem with.”
Seek the Holy Ghost as you practice becoming a better communicator. You can be a better disciple of Christ in all aspects of your life as you take the time to listen and give appropriate responses in your relationship with others.
For more information on becoming or helping others become more self-reliant, see: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/self-reliance/blog
The Lord has declared, “It is my purpose to provide for my saints” (D&C 104:15).
Akron Ohio Stake News 